Jaden

Oooh it’s been almost a year since I went on a first date, crazy, I know. In my year break, I have sat countless hours in therapy, seen some of the most beautiful sights in the world, been to weddings, held new babies, wiped tears off my friends’ cheeks. Reading my first ever blog post in 2018 til now, I am just amazed at how consistent I’ve been and yet how unrecognizable that HB is. Her hobby was dating and romance, now I just feel pure exhaustion at the thought of replicating that.

I’m in Tucson dog sitting for my friends. On my way out, my mom asks me “When are you gong to settle down and get married?” I tighten up my duffle bag strap on my shoulder and sigh because I don’t want to get into this now, again, and tell her as such. She makes me put down my bags and list out all the things I want in a partner. I don’t know if she’s going to play matchmaker or if she’s going to be adding it to her prayer list. Either way, I welcome her trying. I much rather focus my energy on making my life fuller with what’s readily available. Setting new work goals, taking blogging more seriously, starting new sports, making my friendships deeper, traveling; that has all been more fulfilling than going on 3 dates a week.

I think it is an important detail to note, that it was Lu who teasingly suggested that I go on dates while in Tucson. He has unknowingly helped me not lose faith that I am not asking for too much; what I want exists to some extent. I dusted off my profile and decided to swipe. I was on a mission to eat at all the restaurants I couldn’t afford when I was at UofA so having company to flirt with over pasta didn’t sound bad. Then I saw the profiles. The pineapple on pizza debate, the generational wealth drivel, the terrible pictures. I wasn’t moved or charmed or even humored. One guy reached out to kindly give me recommendations to new bars, which I found efficient. He offered to take me to a couple and I told him I’d meet him after my dinner. I had hope!

Restaurant Rating: Annex 3 out of 5. Century Room: 5 out of 5. Annex reminded me a lot of Churchill in Phoenix. It was casual and seems like a nice place to hang out with friends. My gripe is that the cocktails were batched. My drink ended up being a bit too citrusy but I feel like they do that so it keeps for longer. Century Room on the other hand, was delightful. The host was so charming and the drink menu was actually intriguing. I was incredibly entertained watching the musicians kill it! It’s a perfect after dinner spot and would totally recommend going.

Date Rating: 2 out of 5. Jaden had a very kind face, he kinda reminds me of a koala. All of that paled in comparison to his voice. My God, when he said hello, I perked up and melted all at the same time. He had this silky bass that belongs on late night radio. I was determined to get him talking. I sort of regret that now.

It started off as a typical first date, we tell each other how our days went we exchange where we’re from, and then we get to work. I have always been like this but I absolutely hate when men get negative with me on a date. Why do you want to spend even a minute complaining about work? He works as help desk and goes on complaining about systems being down that morning and getting an influx of calls that took an hour each to fix while also getting emails about passwords needing to be reset. Maybe I wouldn’t be so annoyed if he spun it into some funny story or if he used it to make himself look better but it was just a vent session. What made it all worse was that he didn’t once make eye contact with me. We were sitting side by side at the bar but while his entire body was angled to me, his head was either turned down at the counter or out towards the bartenders. I understand being nervous but not even once? We spend about an hour talking about basic things like our hobbies and the dog I could be with instead. We’re not exactly compatible. He’s more of a homebody; he has a smaller group of friends he occasionally sees; he may end up staying in Tucson. He’s nice though.

I thought it would be a one and done type of date but when I told him I was still going to explore downtown, he asked if he could join. At this point, I thought I would give it another go. How did I used to do this?! We head to Century Room and their cocktails are fabulous. The band is playing incredibly, I can physically feel my cheeks hurting because my face is split into this wondrous smile. We don’t really talk and I sway a bit in my seat. It would make the most romantic date night spot with it’s cozy two seaters all over the venue. At one point he playfully takes my hand in his and mimics salsa dancing and I felt nothing.

The club closes when the band finishes, so I tell him I’m going to call my Uber and head home. Like the ultimate southern gentleman, he tells me he’s going to wait outside with me until it arrives. We talk about the rest of the plans I have while in town and he gives me more suggestions. My Uber pulls up and I thank him for a nice night and give him a hug. Why is he going in for a kiss? Oh gosh, I swerve and position my head outwards, so my lips are far away from his. Now I’m dodging all of the eye contact. What vibes did I give off at all during this date that would have warranted that?

“Thanks again! Uh text me if you’re ever in Phoenix!” I awkwardly say and open my Uber. I’ve been out of the game so long, I can’t even smoothly lie anymore? As soon as I got home, I deleted the apps again. It’s safe to say, there’s nothing on them.

Don’t get me wrong, I miss romance terribly. I miss the yearning, the flirting, giving into my urges to buy gifts and plan surprises. I miss blushing and giggling, and falling asleep on the phone. I miss getting ready for dates and strategically putting on dresses I know are going to make his pants tighter, and throwing seductive looks across the table. For whatever reason, this is not the season for it! For the foreseeable future, my plan is just to develop my hobbies and grow my social circle. It’s been so strange to deprioritize dating but also really rewarding! I can do things now, I couldn’t do six months ago and that just makes me even more excited for the next six months. I remain hopeless and hopeful.