Harvey

I haven’t been on a date in Phoenix for almost 18 months. I have transcended into a woman who doesn’t even care about that. In the past 18 months I have: learned to swim, taken up tennis, been to the Amalfi Coast, started a business, started a book club, turned 30, got a pilates membership, and saw Meg thee Stallion in concert. If you were to tell 23 year old me that this was my life, she would be shocked but think I was the coolest bitch ever.

I deleted all the dating apps and never plan to touch one again. I was exhausted with being objectified and the quality just was not there. They say you find love when you’re not looking for it but my tolerance has decimated. I am at perfect peace and enjoy setting silent goals for myself monthly that I dare myself to knock out. When Chelsea invited me to her 30th birthday party last month, I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone. Hell, I was on my way out when Harvey pulled me aside and asked for my number. What a fucking thrill! He was tall with curly black hair, tats up his forearms, and super pretty brown eyes. The dangly cross earring reminded me of an ex but we weren’t gonna hold that against him.

We had sent a few texts but we were both busy. He’s in medical school and I was traveling for my birthday and work. He was charming and funny! When I hadn’t heard from him in a couple weeks I thought it had simply faded out and I was proud at my evolution that I wasn’t yearning. I was pleasantly surprised when he popped back up and asked me to go to Postino for a bottle and board night. If you’re an OG Munchie you know I don’t really approve of that place as a first date spot because it’s not really food and they tend to burn the bruschetta on deal nights but I didn’t want to suggest anything different in case it was a budget issue or something.

I’m on a health kick right now where I workout daily. I totally thought I could fit in pilates, an hour of cardio, and blow drying my hair before our date. I felt terrible I was ten minutes late but he teased me about it and was sweet.

He lets me pick the bottle of wine and we get into typical first date banter. We’re both from Phoenix, have a bunch of younger siblings, and love to eat out. If I had known he was 25, I would have never gone on the date. Why would I think a 25 year old would be at a 30 year old’s birthday party? If there’s one thing I won’t do, it’s date younger. Then, I would rather die than date someone younger than my youngest sibling. But I could see my therapist tilting her head and smiling at me to be less rigid so I exhale and enjoy the date.

The conversation flowed well enough. Harvey was thoughtful and enjoyed adventure. He was pretty optimistic and made me laugh. It’s just ordering one board for the two of us and then him eating the majority of it, especially the bruschetta that I told him was my favorite, was the indication as to why I don’t date younger and why this wasn’t going to work. My default is to give and to try and be as considerate as possible. I don’t really want any new people in my life who don’t want to go above and beyond to make sure I’m taken care of; like making sure you have enough to eat after working out. He wants kids and a beautiful minimalistic house and I would rather be an auntie and have a home filled with color. He wants to live in LA and I have my eye on Miami but he won’t do long distance. In my opinion, we’d just cut our losses and be friends after this.

Towards the end of the date, he offers we go somewhere for dessert but most places were closing so I offered we go to a nearby bar.

“Or we could grab a bottle of wine and go back to your place?” He suggests. I get it. Everyone wants to have sex, I just don’t care for it anymore unless I like you and you’re gassing me up.

“Ooh, there’s another bar here that closes at 1. They have a pool table!” I suggest knowing damn well I don’t play pool. He hints to going back to my place again and my stomach just sinks and blood boils all at the same time. I think what sucks is that I have given no overt indication I want to hook up with you. I have zero cleavage or leg out, I’ve made no jokes with innuendo, I haven’t even touched you. You didn’t even feed me or compliment me and your next thought is getting your dick wet. I am depressed. I tell him the night isn’t ending like that. Then I tell him I’m actually going to go home because I work early.

I get home and immediately spiral because is this all there is to life?! Just below the bare fucking minimum and then getting propositioned for sex? They’re getting younger and don’t even care to romance you a little before inviting themselves to YOUR home. I’m so beyond underwhelmed, I am despondent! I lie in bed and think about all the new hobbies I should embark on and what I need to do so that I am a new version of myself. I clearly seem like a woman that isn’t better than this experience so I need to fix that! I want to be so intimidating that their only options are to just leave me alone or be the poster child of romance. All the other stuff in between is a waste of time!