James

Restaurant Rating: 5 out of 5. Bitter and Twisted got a new menu. It seemed fitting that I have my first date after a hiatus here.I used to put up so many numbers using this blog that now I’m a regular! The new menu has drinks that will make you squint upon hearing the ingredients but widen in awe once you taste them. They’ve outdone themselves.

Date Rating: 3 out of 5. I’m baaaack. Well, maybe. Since I quit the apps and stopped going to dating events, the stream of new men in my life came to a very noticeable stop. My DMs go unanswered or if I’m feeling feisty, they’ll get cussed out. James was different though. He left the most poetic compliments, like the type to make you go “awww” out loud.

A few months ago he told me he’d like to take me out for drinks but nothing ever came of it. The holidays were coming up so I didn’t think anything of it but I was pleasantly surprised when he asked me again last week and set up a time. I agreed and gave him my number so we could text because I didn’t know anything about him other than what I could glean from his instagram page. Oh and the fact that I dated his best friend about a decade ago. Those dates are well documented on this blog. He has never brought up his friend so either he doesn’t know or he doesn’t care. If it’s the latter, I think that’s fire.

I think James is handsome. He has deep skin that looks like it’s never seen a zit and he has a very pretty smile. It’s just, I found myself underwhelmed.

If I were still in therapy, she’d probably tell me I was being avoidant but I know myself. If the spark isn’t there to begin with, it’s never gonna show up.

Maybe us meeting on Instagram is the issue. He gets to see all the pretty pictures I post so it kinda already feels like you know me. The thing is, I hate going on a date where they aren’t curious about me. Even the basic stuff, I want you to ask so you can kill the fantasy of me I’m sure you’ve created. I could find myself deflating inside every time there was a lull in communication because I stopped asking a question. We’d just stare at each other but it wasn’t a romantic stare of longing, at least not for me, it was a stare of awkward silence.

And I have heard it before, I can be intimidating. Guys get nervous. Blah blah blah. I don’t really want to give grace here! You got me on the date, you know I’m interested to some extent. Now you just gotta bring it on home. All my expectations of being mentally riveted and then making out after B&T’s very strong cocktails evaporated.

When we leave, I am having trouble finding my uber. He didn’t help which turned me off. I really gotta do everything huh? I gotta carry the conversation AND I cannot be in distress. It was a nice date but it wasn’t daydream worthy. After typing this out I think we’d be better off as friends.

I don’t think I am asking for too much from a man who’s looking to be with me to not be diligent about that task. I want him to want to know what makes me tick, what makes me laugh, what makes me go off into a rant. The date should feel like a sexy interrogation because one, he wants to know if we’re compatible but two, he wants to plan an even better second date. Maybe this wasn’t romantic at all and he was looking for new friends! Maybe that’s on me.