Eli

Restaurant Rating: 💥💥 out of 5. This is kind of harsh but Merc Bar is NOT a date night spot. At least for a first date. If I were coming with one of my girls to mingle then absolutely. Whatever you see on Yelp about it being lowkey is a lie. The decor is really sexy. There’s these plush couches and nice ottomans. They allegedly have a dress code so people look put together. Unfortunately, there was live music (please just play a track, I don’t want to hear any singer songwriters doing covers) and because it was packed, it service was slow. Which is fine but you gotta pace yourself because if it gets awkward and you have nothing to sip, tough.

Date Rating: 🔥🔥 out of 5. I deserve this. I talk a lot of crap about not shitting where you eat. I always say it’s a bad idea. I advise against it. But we had a director fly in from corporate and he heard I’m tapped into the city. He asked me where he could grab a nice drink on a Tuesday. All of my favorite bars were closed and Merc Bar had been on my list for years so I suggested that. He suggested I come with. Harmless; it’s expected you network in corporate. Plus, everyone loves Eli. He’s charismatic.

I was clowning around for dinner and had to ask to push drinks back for 30 minutes. I felt even worse because I parked in the wrong spot and had to hustle to where he was at. I hate being late. He was a little peeved that it was loud and requested that we sit as far from the noise as possible (that would require LEAVING lol)

The ick came when we’re shown to our section and he takes the BOOTH. Leaving me to sit on the ottoman across from him which was slightly higher than the table.

So he then goes. “You’re so much taller than me.”

“Do you want to switch?” I ask.

“No.” He shakes his head. Even if I was going to live out some fantasy, that was dead now.

I find corporate men so fascinating, especially if they can work a room well. They either flourish or crumble if there’s not an audience. We talk about our career journeys and it’s stark how they differ. We talk about birth order and the traits you get from being the oldest and the youngest. Of course we touch on travel and what we think the office is going to be like in the next couple of years. Things get interesting on the second drink though.

He asks about my blog which prompts me to boldly ask about his dating life. A never been married white man in his 40s is always gonna have an interesting story. The stories are likely going to be crazier if he actually wants to be married. Eli dates women in their 20s. For the life of me, I just don’t understand why they do this and don’t think they’re going to be some type of “provider” for her. He stated it’s because he wants kids eventually but I don’t know what 26 year old is going to take herself out of the game right now just to be a mom with a middle aged man who has the same maturity level as her peers (he claimed that, not me). He’s going to keep trying until he finds someone that’s not aware enough but I feel like that number is dwindling, thankfully. Buy the purses, take the trips, go to Nobu regularly or shut up.

He starts saying how I’m so attractive and how if I moved to where the company was headquartered I’d have a boyfriend within a month. Okay.

At this point I know he’s tipsy and I am yawning because I’m getting old and adhere to a bedtime. Our waitress, to my luck, is no where to be found. So he tells me he may possibly move to Phoenix or at least visit more. I told him my busy season was coming up so I would most likely be unavailable.

He pays the bill and walks me back to my car. We hugged and he gave me a wet kiss on the cheek. If I wanted slobber, I know at least FOUR overly excited puppies I could visit for that kind of treatment (S/o to Charlie and Nova specifically). I don’t report to Eli or anything so there’s not exactly any weird power play going on. I’m not worried. This is definitely the last time I entertain a coworker!