Allen

Restaurant Rating: 🦜🦜🦜🦜out of 5. It would be a 5 if their tacos didn’t close so early but Green Woodpecker phoenix is a perfect casual date spot. Local beers on tap, only two types of tacos, and open patio seating where you can watch a game. I was so hooked I went back the next day.

Date Rating: 🔥🔥 out of 5. God, if I’m a rehab for men, just say that! Allen was tall, slim, nerdy, and was in cybersecurity. I thought he was so cute. We had good banter over text; he’d send novels. He told me he had broken up with his ex of 7 years, a year and a half ago and had been in therapy ever since. Enormous green flag to me. There’s something about an emotionally intelligent man that just makes me melt. 7 years is basically marriage to me so I gave him grace when he brought up his ex. I gave him even more grace when he mentioned his ex’s family. Then he says he’s finding himself because the relationship made him lose his identity. The whole reason he wants to date is to help him understand who’s Allen now and what does he want. The flag couldn’t have been more scarlet to me at that point.

I am not the woman you rebound with. I know I expect a lot but I don’t want to help anyone find themselves to get it. You don’t know what makes you happy, you don’t know what hobbies you want to do, you don’t even have a go-to spot for dinner on a random night; there’s no way my needs would be met here. Sure, casually dating has helped me discover a lot about myself but that was in terms of relationships. None of these men ever molded my foundation… could you imagine?! I feel like his therapist set him up to fail, there’s quite a few steps we’re skipping here. Or at the very least if you don’t want to do this linearly maybe don’t be so honest on a first date and make it seem like you’re using women to build the new you.

I asked him if he was actually ready to date because it sounded selfish. What about the desire for companionship, to experience romance, to share your life with?! He said of course he wants all those things but he’s going to do it in tandem with his new journey. Hmm okay. 

The rest of our date was pretty chill. We had an excellent conversation about loneliness and self-development. I tell him if we see each other again, it’s as friends. He’s got a lot to figure out and trying to figure me out too didn’t seem like the best combination to juggle. He thanked me and said I seemed like an awesome person for him to know in this chapter of his life. I exhaled in relief because now I know I won’t be in a perpetual state of disappointment when he gives me nothing. I may be a clown but I’m not an idiot!