You never get a start to finish story so here we go! In comes Brennan. There’s about a decade of time between us but I liked how interesting our conversations were. We texted for about a month before he asked me what my favorite food was. I told him I was homesick for tacos and he found the most authentic taco spot about twenty minutes from my place. I know we usually complain about how the bar is on the ground but I found it thoughtful. He listened to what I liked or random facts about myself that I had mentioned and brought it up on our date. That being said the date wasn’t very memorable. Besides having dimples and a smile that made my heart thump, the chemistry wasn’t crazy. He didn’t even try to kiss me at the end of the night.
Well… come to find out, he was nervous. I’d like to think that I’m not intimidating at all. You get a couple shots in me and you’d think we were best friends. So by our third date when Brennan invited me to his side of town for a date, I was determined to make sure he was in his element. After teaching me about IPA profiles and a couple bar games, everything felt completely natural. So of course when he invited me back to his place to try this beer he was saving, I said yes. Beer in an iced glass and basketball on the 60 inch flat screen, I tried to act interested in the game. Looking back, I cannot believe it took him three dates and half a basketball game to kiss me. But they say good things come to those who wait and it was all good. He tasted like citrus from the beer and I had butterflies. It was all a perfect fit. One thing lead to another and my best friends were getting calls in the middle of the night from me gushing that I had just experienced the peak of human existence.
Due to my then living situation, I could only see him out or at his place.He slowly stopped texting me as frequently. It went from every 30 minutes to an hour to like twice a day. So he’s going to ghost me right? But then he’d plan dinner dates in the middle of the week near me and say “I know you’re busy this weekend but I want to see you” and he’ll get me cute little gifts or pick out restaurants with food he knows I love. So he clearly wants to see me and spend time with me but he can’t be bothered to talk to me throughout the day, fine!
My love language is gifts and naturally, I think I’m affectionate. So I start buying him stuff. I search his instagram for hints of his favorite beer I can buy locally, I’m getting gourmet chocolates sent, buying lingerie in his favorite color and then I get the bright idea to take him on a date.
My friends are all shocked “HB, you never do this.” “HB, you must really like him, can’t wait to meet him”. I mean, I wasn’t getting that ahead of myself. I knew we weren’t completely compatible but I did look forward to seeing him. And Valentine’s Day with him ended up being amazing; I was up for anything. So I plan a whiskey distillery tour followed by sushi. I accidentally ingested an edible an hour before the date (another story for a different day). So I was not on Planet Earth for any of this. I’m talking zoned out of my fucking mind. All I wanted to do was sleep and here I was listening to how whiskey is made with my eyes half closed. My mouth was so dry I couldn’t taste a thing. I didn’t even have an appetite. Not my finest moment. You can imagine the devastation when we get back to his place and he takes my hands in his and says “So I just wanted to clear up what we’re doing here. I don’t want anything serious. The ball is in your court and I don’t want to hurt you. I’m fine with us dating as is, as long as you’re happy, we can continue.” There was a nagging need of wanting to ask “Why?” but I didn’t. He starts to only text for Friday or Saturday night dates and it makes things less confusing. The element of infatuation disappears.
Fast forward to June and the states are lifting stay at home orders and people are drinking on patios, and police brutality seems to be glaringly obvious for everyone; I’m in a whole new apartment alone. It’s a lot of adapting to new normals and taking a close inventory of how I’m feeling because these are the perfect conditions to be depressed in. He says I’m probably not doing well and I should come spend the weekend with him. I hadn’t touched another human in about ten weeks at this point so I agree. And he’s waiting there with a giant hug and my favorite food and candy. I can’t help but cry.