Miller

Restaurant Rating: 🍣🍣🍣 out of 5. Gangnam Sushi is in this random strip mall in Tempe. It’s easy to miss. I stupidly ate a whole plate of fries before this date so I didn’t really eat Plus he got there like fifteen minutes early and ordered for me which I hated because he didn’t even get sushi I really liked. An average experience.

Date Rating: 🔥 out of 5, For being slightly catfished. There I am on Bumble and match with Miller. He looks like a bachelorette contestant reject. Curly blonde hair, pretty smile, washboard abs, and a bio about peace and yoga and whatever. He asks if he can call me and I’m like sure; I love phone calls. We talk about love and relationships and he seems very smart. He asks me out to dinner and I’m like “Hell yeah”. Then he asks me to pick him up (lol in what world). I tell him it’s more comfortable to just meet there. He texts me 15 minutes before the date that he’s there and he’s already ordered so I step on the gas. 

When I get there, I see he has the worst outfit on and this horrid Civil War style hat. My fingers twitch for my Pinterest app so I can redo his whole aesthetic. We start off with sake bombs and he gets chatty. Apparently he was 39 not 29 and going through some “legal issues” so he wasn’t exactly available to leave his house all the time. 🥴 in the sweetest way possible I tell him what I’m looking for and he says “it seems like you want to be wined and dined. I can’t give you that but we can order in and I swear I can give you the dick and emotional connection you’re searching for” 😰 I could go on a rant about everything wrong with that statement but y’all know, I don’t settle. He’s going through a very tumultuous time right now and I have no desire to ride shotgun. So I told him it wouldn’t exactly work. He says that I was exactly what he wanted and how would I know if I didn’t give him a shot? Then looked at me like Cupid had shot him. 

I’ve never left a restaurant so quickly lmfao. I thanked him for the dinner and deleted his text thread.